Egg in My Braces

Sounds hot, right? Sadly, this is not just some gross visual for yet one more awkward situation I found myself in - but it could be, since I find myself in plenty of those on a regular basis. No, the fact is, after looking forward (about 7 months into the future to be exact), I decided to get braces. Again. This will be - hopefully - the only post on the subject since who really wants to hear about my dental work. Right? Right.

Looking back, I want to slap my drunk college self for not wearing my retainer. Slap myself silly. Oh the things we did in college that we’re still paying for…It’s day two with my new friends on, and I want to rip them off my face. But I can’t, because they’ve been welded on not once but twice for good measure with some sort of intense dental laser. Laser! I guess that’s where the high price comes in? Because I can’t think of anything else about these things that’s expensive. Okay well the top ones are clear and apparently made in Scandanavia. So wait, they should be cheap, right? I hope the braces stay together better than the last piece of Ikea furniture I bought.

Let’s talk about what the next six to seven (see how I’m already shortening this time frame?) months will entail. Because I for one am really excited about my new life.

1. Drinking coffee with a bendy straw: The clear brackets may stain.
2. Trading red wine for white: See above. Not sure this will last.
3. Brushing my teeth at work: I should do this anyhow, right? Now I’m just one of THOSE people.
4. Smiling less: I’ll get over this by tomorrow because I’m going to be laughing a lot at myself.
5. Making a conscious effort to not talk with a lisp: Can we say lisp without saying lithp?
6. Eating slowly because my teeth hurt: Probably a good thing for me.
7. Taking a seven month break from any and all interaction with men: Definitely a good thing for me.

In the meantime, the next seven months will hopefully come with plenty of awesome. Real awesome, not sarcastic pity-party awesome. Awesome like running a half marathon in Austin (February) running a full marathon in LA (March), figuring my life and career shit out (Jan - July), and then doing something I’ve wanted to do for a long time (August). Or so that’s the plan today, January 5th.

Already, I hate drinking coffee through a straw. It’s going to be a long seven / six / five??? months.