My Short Bus

The 55 is our own personal neighborhood bus. No seriously, see that picture? It makes a little square around a couple blocks and then it proceeds on its way out of the neighborhood and into the downtown area on one street. And then it turns around and comes back. That’s its whole route. When it arrives, it waits for a few minutes at the stop. But first, it backs up to align itself closer to the curb. The real point of backing up isn't to get close to the curb, it's to signal - using the reverse-noise beeping - for everyone to come outside and get on the bus. Seriously, everyone comes outside at this point. You won't see anyone waiting at the actual stop. The bus isn’t even a half a block from my front door. It’s almost too easy.

Four stops later, the clean, air conditioned little 55 drops me off right outside the door to my office. I’m not kidding when I say this bus is like door-to-door service. I hope it’s not some fair-weather luxury that stops in the winter. I may be moving.

Immediately the bus reminded me of the Marina bus (30x? 41? I can’t remember…) because of the “young professionals” on it, but calling it that would be a disservice to everyone on this bus. This bus is missing the pretentiousness and douchebagginess, and the vibe doesn’t make you feel like you’re inferior to a bunch of receptionists and business majors fresh out of UCSB. (I only rode the Marina bus maybe twice, out of desperation or because I was dressed nice enough to be allowed on, and only to get to North Beach, but I’m pretty sure that’s an accurate portrayal of it.)

The first couple times I rode the 55, I’ll be honest. I was the idiot who’s never taken the bus (this bus). Within minutes, I realized that my stop was the first major stop out of the neighborhood and into any sort of business area. Which means sitting on the outside of the seat is a bad idea because you have to ask the person next to you to get up, when they most likely just sat down at the previous stop. Tangent: This is like when you get in an elevator and some dumbass gets on whose floor is the first stop, but they go to the back corner, and then immediately have to push right back through ten people saying ‘Scume me! Sorry! ‘Scuse me! Sorry!” I really dislike this person.

Anyhow, the person will not only be annoyed, they’ll also wonder why you are taking the bus such a short distance. I’ll tell them it’s because it’s hot and sticky out, or mizzling, or because I’m wearing heels or because I have a stress fracture in my heel, bitch please. The bus makes the mile walk to work seem really, really short and like you’re kind of lazy. But the AC on the bus and not greeting your coworkers with a sweat mustache is so awesome.

To request a stop, you have to press this yellow “tape” as they call it. I know – this is probably how every other bus line in America works besides MUNI but let’s remember I’ve been in Dallas driving a car for the last five years. So the other morning, not knowing how exactly to press said tape, I sort of just hoped the bus would stop. I got up and made my way to the back door, which is actually the only door besides the front, as this is a short bus. The bus did stop, but it was to pick people up. I never actually pressed the yellow tape, so the back door never opened. On this bus, touching the handles won't open the door, so there I was, standing at the door, and everyone around me starting yelling “Back door!” The girl right next to me: “This nice lady (read: dumb fuck) needs to get out!” Finally the doors opened. I wanted to die. I kind of hated myself for being that person.

The next time I got on the bus, I made sure I saw someone press the really, really obvious yellow tape. Just like the sign says. Got it. This is embarrassing. I shouldn’t have even written this.