Office Lunch

I love Thai food. And sometimes, when I'm feeling adventurous, I eat freeze dried Thai food out of a styrofoam bowl without following the instructions because I have thrown them away unknowingly. This is living on the edge, people. Forget going into Panda Express and taking a chance with the brocoli-beef (I never have). This dehydrated shit is for real.

Standing in my office's so-called kitchen space, I pulled back the paper lid and removed the little pouches hidden inside with the noodles. I've made this before, and there's an order to how you do it. Unfortunately, it wasn't coming to mind. But how hard could three packets of chemicals and one bowl of gluten-free noodles be to mix?

The first pouch I opened contained the vegetables. This is when I knew for sure my lunch was going to be good. They were in a 2 inch packet labeled Dehydrated Vegetables. Do you know what came out? Well, picture a dried leaf on the ground in fall. Now, imagine stepping on that leaf and seeing it break into a hundred little flakes. Those tiny flakes are what I poured into my soup. I think they were onions but it's hard to say.

Next, another foil packet, this one not even labeled with a word in the English (or any) language. No description but it was a pretty yellow powder. Poured it in.

Then I added the hot water. Stirred it up a bit.

Finally, I went for the smallest packet that had the neon-orange oil-based substance in it. Also unlabeled. I assumed this was some sort of chili oil. Opening it up, the oily substance got all over my fingers. I considered for a second that this unknown liquid might not even be edible and was in the soup as some sort of prize, like, "Free oil packet for your toy robot!" I quickly washed it off. With Palmolive Tough On Grease Dish Soap and a scrubby, no less.

I stirred it all together, remembering only then that oil and water do not mix and that maybe the oil was supposed to go in before the water. Looks kind of like the BP oil spill once it hit land, no?


Anyhow, I ate it all. Delicious, salty, oily goodness. To top off the two cups of coffee I had earlier this morning. Thank you, Thai Kitchen Spring Onion soup. I think I'll drink some water now.