Wholefoodsed

So. New word: Wholefoodsed. I know, it doesn't roll of the tongue like bamboozled or fucked over. But hear me out.

I can appreciate Whole Foods' earthiness, their recycling efforts, their general belief that even while eating a cupcake you can be somewhat less fat and unhealthy than the other people eating other cupcakes.

But at least their cupcakes are, for the most part, cupcakes. Sometimes at Whole Foods, you get let down. Like, not even let down gently but dropped on your ass. Take my lunch today. I finally, after months of passing them, took the time to examine the burritos. I always assumed they were breakfast burritos but hey guess what? At noon they turn into lunch burritos. Amazing realization I had today.

So I read the ingredients on the Black Bean Burrito sticker. It read something like: Flour tortilla, black beans, rice, cheese, cilantro, spices. For $3.99? Purchased. Couldn't wait to eat it. And then I get back to my dimly-lit desk and unwrap the burrito and take a bite.

This, my friends of Mother Nature and all things with husks on them, is not a black bean burrito:

This is a rice log. It has a smattering of cheese and a few black beans thrown in for contrast, all wrapped in a semi-overheated tomato-ish (it's red, I dunno) tortilla. Calling it a black bean burrito is like calling me a mathematician.

Nonetheless, I ate the rice log (almost all of it but the butt of the log). I had no choice. My hopes were up so high that I was about to get this delicious black bean burrito - can you really mess up a burrito? - and I was starving by the time I realized this was not, in fact, a black bean burrito. All I could do was eat it and wipe away the disappointment with my napkin. My napkin left over from the morning's Chik-fil-a breakfast, which I missed.

I hate getting wholefoodsed.